Tomes and Talismans

sta, viator, heroem calcas
The ritual is complete.

The ritual is complete.

Robert Aickman hogging the market on stories about phone sex with ghosts once again hamstrings any exhortation to “write what I know.”

My encouragement of intra-office crushes has more than a little Miss Havisham to it.

I worked very hard to become an imitation human being. And of course I succeeded.

The Man Who Fell to Earth by Walter Tevis, 1963

I won’t let you forget

that in 2002

you were really into Hot Hot Heat.

"Are you a Lithuanian?"

"Are you wearing Christmas socks?"

"How do you know those aren’t, like, arcane symbols."

"… Poinsettias?"

"Yeah I really need to do laundry."

You gotta be prepared for cookies that don’t believe in a moral universe.

You gotta be prepared for cookies that don’t believe in a moral universe.

"Garfield: A Tail of Two Kitties" is my most ambitious work to date, starring me in a dual role as (ahem) Garfield and also as a British cat named Prince. As in the first movie, I do Bill Murray’s voice while playing myself. In my role as Prince, I do the voice of Tim Curry, an actor I have admired ever since Jon took me to a drive-in to see "The Rocky Horror Picture Show" while he smoked human catnip.

Roger Ebert has been dead a year now and I keep remembering that. I keep remembering stuff like this too though.

Thank you for sending us “The Bone Hunters”. We appreciate your taking the time to send it in for our consideration. Although it does not suit the needs of the magazine at this time, we wish you luck with placing it elsewhere.

Rejection count: 9

The magazine is all FEED ME A STRAY CAT.